Trauma Bonds & Emotional healing.

                                                      Emotional Healing Moment 

''Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light''  

Have you ever taken time out from people? 

Recently, I have put all my energy back into myself. I have taken time out from things like dating and put the focus back on areas in my life that I felt deserved some TLC. I have had to focus back on my physical fitness - as it's something that means the most to me if you have ever read my blog about my weight, I like to be a certain way because it makes me feel confident and good about myself. I am starting to see results pay off and I am feeling back to my usual self again. 

Other focuses have been things like my career, again something that is important to me. Although I have always focused on this area. After a well-deserved break, I'm back to business. So, between working, gym, and making a conscious effort to be in touch with my friends - where do I even have time to date or meet guys? 

Recently I have been healing from 3 situations that had dragged down my energy and made me lose any type of trust I had in Men left. This is NOT HEALTHY. Therefore, after a lot of self-reflection, and watching a lot of podcasts and TEDTALKS about the psychology of relationships and self-love I am ready to get back out there and date, but only to do things that I am comfortable with. 

I am a generally open-minded person; therefore, I would say I am also a very passionate and sexual person. I've proudly done and experienced a lot of things with a fair few people (I don't care if you judge me) so how the hell have I got to the point where I can't be bothered to be intimate with someone? Is there something wrong with me? 

Nope. After reflection (read the ''lessons I learned about my last relationship'') I have now got to the point where I have dated for so long (Since I was 12 BTW) that I am bored with hookups with someone that is just ''attractive'' or just being in a relationship because it's ''comfortable'' I only want to be intimate with someone that I am crazy about. Whether that's sexually or because they have so many qualities that I need in someone, then that's just the progression. The next step. It is so easy nowadays to hook up with someone, that it's lost the excitement and the chase. There is so much choice, I don't want someone that's easy, I want someone to intrigue me. 

Another situation I recently went through was ANOTHER TIMEWASTER. I am sick and tired of the same situation to- You have a good connection, you meet a few times, and somehow it ends. In my case - he was meant to come to pick me up and we were going to chill together however he decided to have ''one too many'' knowing he was meant to see me. To keep the peace, I mentioned that we could rearrange, and he was game. THEN HEAR NOTHING. It's not deep but it's disrespectful to the highest degree. I am sorry, but if you make plans to see the girl you have recently been dating you don't get drunk. Clearly didn't want to see me that much but be honest!! I hate liars and fakes. I do not have any tolerance for these types of guys. BLOCK. See Ya. 

Then the icing on the top was after getting an apology and a weird sense of closure from a previous ex you dated like 3 years ago, finally getting on good terms, especially as both our families go to the same game night so there is a chance, we would see each other. Ends up blocking me, because it's the ''done thing when he gets into relationships'' how pathetic. I feel so disrespected and kind of hurt, because I have always been nice about him to our mutual friend (his best friend) when he was the one in the wrong this is the thanks, I get is that? When did it become normal to be rude to people that you do not even speak to, in a situation where the energy of blocking ex's is not even normal. If my boyfriend told me to block my ex's I wouldn't unless a situation presented itself as abnormal and unfair to the relationship. Again, I won't be disrespected. See Ya. 

Therefore, my energy when it comes to trust in Men has been next to nothing recently. But it is not healthy to feel like this, as a result, I have come to the conclusion the right person for you is someone who chooses you. Unless they choose you (equally you too) they are not the person you are supposed to be with. 

After some self-reflection, and hanging on to pictures for the past 4 years of an ex that I loved (I kept some diary notes) it was time to let go of all these people with whom, I developed a trauma bond, it was time to let go. I finally picked up the courage to burn our photos and I have had to let go of all of these people emotionally, because once a relationship ends it is time to let go of them. Otherwise, you will bring the same issues and problems to your next person, and it is not fair to them.

It takes 7-90 seconds to get over anger, what we do with that anger is go back to it and buffer. You need to let it go. As they say ''one time is a mistake, the second time is a habit, and the third time is fate'' 

I cannot stress this enough, but do not ever lower your standards for somebody. If you are not getting the respect that you feel you are entitled to walk away. Screw thinking closure is something that you need, because sometimes closure is not enough, because you were disrespected. Someone can show remorse, but are they willing to change? 

Let it go,

Erin x

*Disclaimer if this triggers you, or your opinions are different from mine, then please do not read ahead*