My open opinions on sex & sexual attraction.

                                                              Sex & Sexual Attraction 

Welcome back to yet again another blog!. As always everything I write about is 100 per cent genuine, when I think of something, I feel the best way to express my opinions are through writing. Maybe I am too honest, too open about situations, but that just makes up part of my personality and I don't really care if people judge me for me. If you don't feel comfortable then please don't read ahead. 

Recently most of my blogs have been based on ''relationships'' and part of the deal with a relationship comes with sex unless of course, you identify as Asexual or with other sexualities that I am not cultured in knowing about just yet. So why is there still a god damn stigma with Women and sex? 

                                                                Sexual Attraction

                      ''Sexual attraction is an attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest'' Wiki 

Have you ever been so physically attracted to another person that you feel you are going borderline mental? me too. 

If someone were to ask me to define sexual attraction - I would honestly find it very difficult to define, because it is such a broad spectrum. You can be physically attracted to someone on TV, to a crush, to your partner even to your next-door neighbour but does that mean you are sexually attracted just because you find them attractive? in my eyes, this doesn't define sexual attraction to me, because I have had experiences where I dated or slept with extremely good looking guys (beauty in the eyes of the beholder) and hadn't felt any sparks whilst I've also dated and slept with guys that weren't my ''type as such and I was very sexually attracted to them.

So what does sexual attraction feel like? PASSIONATE. SEXY. ON FIRE. the adjectives I could use to describe the feeling are endless. You feel excited to be around them, the deed feels so intense and in the aftermath of the deed, you generally believe you are going mad because you can't get them out of your mind. Though scientific evidence states when you are sexually attracted to someone, it releases the ''Love hormone'' So technically it is kinda normal to go boy/girl lust crazy for a couple of days after.

Lust at the moment feels beautiful, the feeling is indescribable but obviously, when everything goes tits up, you can be left feeling deflated. But if you have love & lust in your relationship, you are in my eyes definitely winning. 

CASE STUDY 1; Earlier in the year, I met a guy ''Seb''. (in my eyes) he was sexy, six-foot 4, the body type I find attractive, physically attractive (though showed off a little), intelligent, we had good conversations on our date and I generally liked his company. One thing led to another and we had mind-blowing sex. It wasn't dead, it was the person I did it with. It was intense, passionate, sexy etc... I generally had the love bug for a week after. It was a casual hookup, I didn't see it as anything more than some fun and neither did he. (Though turned out he had a girlfriend, I accidentally bumped into him a few weeks later and I wasn't too happy) 

CASE STUDY 2 (no attraction). This year/last year I was in a relationship. I was attracted to him, I was comfortable with him, I found him funny and good to be around. But when we had sex, there were no sparks. No fireworks. The deed was like a business transaction. Not because we weren't frisky and tried new things, but because I didn't have a sexual attraction with him, we had a different type of connection. 

So, therefore, in my opinion, I believe you have different connections with different people. You could meet a casual hookup next week and feel as if you are on cloud nine, or you could be in a long term-relationship and you have never felt that kind of passion. There is no explanation as to why, as being human is so complicated. Like I mentioned earlier if you have both in a relationship then fantastic I'm jealous! I think one of the best ways to learn if you have that connection is through kissing. I think a kiss is like the eyes; it's the window. 

                                                                  Sex & Hookups 

So why is there a stigma on women? why can't we have sex like men can? in my opinion, if a woman wants to have many sexual partners and not be emotionally attached well for her!. I think as a society, we are brought up to believe women should be ''A Lady'' but just because she likes good sex, doesn't mean she's a slag? it means she knows what she wants when she wants and she is in control of her own body and mind. I wish men, would stop deeming women as being slags if their body count is over 10 before they reach the age of 25. If you can go out and sleep with lots of girls, so can we. 

But this doesn't mean, that men should give up on impressing a lady. Although I'm aware of my body count, doesn't mean I find it attractive, when a guy I hardly know slides into my DMS to want casual hookups with me, without getting to know me? Why can't you take a girl on a date, see how the situation plays out and maybe suggest it when knowing more? Women hate this type of stuff, so if you're looking for a girlfriend and you slide into every girl you know DM with ''Wanna hookup'' sorry but goodbye! 

(my Mum) is very old school. She's only ever slept with around 7 men and all of them were relationships. So I was brought up to be mindful of how many people you ''should'' sleep with. I remember in secondary school when all my friends were telling me to lose my virginity I wanted to save it with someone special (I DID) but even with that first boyfriend we were very experimental so I think whats shaped my beliefs nowadays comes from that. We were very open, so it shaped my experiences and made me be open-minded. I also love erotic stories and I got my friends in 50 shades of grey so maybe this doesn't help. 

Moving to Spain (a very sexual country) has also allowed me to be more open. People here don't care about PDA I see people all the time who should be in the bedroom so it became the ''norm''. I think cultures and lifestyles can really shape your beliefs as things become normal to you, and I don't think the UK and the culture are very open generally speaking. 

I'm very comfortable with talking about sex, so I'm very open and honest with talking about experiences, preferences etc, but I also understand others aren't. But at the end of the day, you are not entitled to judge other peoples experiences. I love watching documentaries on Sex (not because I'm a pervert) but it is interesting to learn about peoples lifestyles and I think it makes you more cultured and understanding. 

                                                               What do I prefer?

There is pros and cons to everything in life. On one hand, I like a hookup because it is easy, with no strings attached, I've had some great friends with benefits where we have good times both in and out of the bedroom, but I also like relationships. It's amazing to share a connection and to feel emotionally and physically close to each other. So I'm one of these types of people, where I go with the flow depending on the situation. 

Does this mean people can slide into my DMS and ask me to hook up? No, I think the curtesy is to meet someone and see how you connect. Do I want people to judge my preferences? Well of course not, I think that is a regular human response. But at the end of the day, you're always going to be judged no matter what. I am who I am and if that's not for you, then fine no problem.

The sooner people lose stigmas the better, let people live in peace. Not your preference? Fine, but try to understand why it is the preference for the other person. If you want a three-way relationship (great), if you want to try BDSM (great), if you want Vanilla sex (Great), if you wanna sleep with lots of people (great)

Let people be who they want to be. 

Erin x