Why I'm sick of fake friends.

                                                              Friendships 

''The emotion or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.'' 

Have you ever gotten fed up with being the one who always makes the effort? Me too. 

Don't get me wrong, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes; sometimes we talk too much about ourselves and forget to ask someone how they are. We kiss the wrong people drunk, and we argue sometimes with those who don't deserve your anger. 

But after all the self-critical thinking are you really the common dominator? or are you just sick of being the one who makes the effort in meeting with your ''mates''. 

I have always said, that being a girl is difficult. A friendship group of girls is even harder. Even though, there are so many good points; 

1) They help you through breakups. 

2) They give you advice.

3) You can have great girly gossip. 

4) Have good giggles.

5) Always having people to go out with. 

But I don't miss it. I don't miss the drama, the comparison, the competition, the emotional energy it takes when you feel left out. I have had so many friendship groups, you learn to enjoy your company and to find individual friends for different reasons. 

I will always be a girls girl, but I won't get into a friendship group unless it is genuine. This is why I rarely look at Instagram and social media. Because so many people out there are promoting a healthy circle when the reality is much different. 9/10 of them make people compare their lives to others which instantly creates self-doubt and esteem issues. I've experienced the easy life now, and I much prefer going out with individual friends than getting involved in ingenuine shit. 

Boys have it so much easier, most friendships are genuine. This is why a lot of my friends are men because their less drama and I actually prefer the energy and vibe from them. However, there will always be a boy-mate that is underneath attracted to you, so when you get into relationships you limit that contact because even though they are happy enough with you in their life, they always want more. And for me, any disrespect to my boyfriend is a no-no. 

But I'm sick and tired of being that friend, that is a punchbag. They're there when they need you, but when you are not needed you are out of mind, out of sight. After a few years of learning to love who I am, I have realised I was always that friend that you came to for real advice but I was never the first choice. 

I have always had people love me for my realness, but the second they didn't like something I was a ''bitch''. I used to always have drama with girls. When in reality I let them be who they want to be. It was probably jealousy but you get used to it. 

I have good friends who I don't speak to often, but when I connect with them they are genuine. They may not make up a full circle, but I am happy with the number of times I see them. I never prioritize my friends, because there have been many truths where they weren't as genuine as they should have been. And this shit hurts like crazy, but over time you live with it and begin to accept most people are not genuine. 

I sometimes (I think this is human nature) make comparisons with people I should see my friends more. But never let anyone think, that what you do is not good enough. Never compare because it may not look as it does. You don't have to show off on social media, and you most certainly shouldn't feel obligated sharing photos with others just to make you look ''cool''. I never share photos of me out with friends, because I'm there to focus and spend time with them. I don't need to show the world who I am with to feel I'm accepted. 

I am fed up with being that friend, that is the last one thought about. I am no longer making effort for people who do not even give me a second thought, and neither should you. 

Learn to love your own company, things become much easier. 

Erin x