Is it normal to not have a friendship group?

                                                                  Friendship 

Hi Again! 


Welcome back to another blog of mine. These are all my opinions, where I try to be as honest as I can. If you don't like what you are reading then please do not continue. 


Friendship? It is such a complex word. What is a friend? How can you be a good friend? What defines a meaningful friendship? 

In my opinion, I think a friend is a person who is there for you through thick and thin. No amount of time away from them makes a difference to when you see them again. A person who you can rely on, tell your deepest darkest secrets and fears. A person you can spend a good time with, share good memories. 

But a true friend is hard to find, you can meet someone tomorrow and they can be a ''better'' friend to you than someone who you've considered your friend for 5 years. No amount of time defines a meaningful, real friendship. So why is it hard to find? 

People change, location differences, different mentalities can make people grow apart. I have had many ''best-friends'' who overtime became a stranger. This is probably why I put a distance / block up with people. Because I'm scared to get close to someone, who could throw me away like trash tomorrow. 

Social media is a fake world, where you constantly have to try to ''live up to standards'' to others, showcase your life, show the world ''how many friends you have'', post your nights out to get validation that your doing well in life. The amount of 'friendships groups' I see on social media, that look close when in reality it is a much different situation. 

Sometimes I doubt myself. I think no amount of self-love one can have, others will still make them doubt themselves even if it once in a blue moon. You look at others around you, and think should I be doing this? 

For me I've never fitted into a one type of crowd. My personality is complex, thinking in depth, I've always tried to seek validation in any friendship circle I have been in. In secondary school I tried to fit in, but I never really found a group that was truly ''my cup of tea''. Of course I have met people who are, but again our personalities are so different so the circles we click with have never been the same. 

For years I have stopped seeking validation to fit in. Not invited to that party? who cares. Not the first one informed? who cares. That is there problem, it is not you. 

I have had many friends come and go; some of the people I thought would be in my life constantly now isn't. Why? we grew apart. Different circumstances therefore even if it is sad, you have to accept it and move on. 

It can be hard being a middle person. Your neither ''good or bad''. But you swing towards one way or the other, for me it is always been more to the bad. People who do ''naughty things''. But again even though I accept people for how they come; you personally may not do that. I have learnt that though people may excite you, they may not be good for you. For me I did this for the first time in year 11; I was failing my grades and my group weren't helping me improve my life. So what did I do? I changed my environment. I met a group of girls who as a team boosted each other and we got good grades. 

But what happened? we grew apart. There is one girl out of that group, I still consider my friend 10 years later. But again we are in different worlds so seeing each other is rare. No we don't talk everyday; the opposite. But when we are together again, it is like no time was apart. That is a true friendship. 

Another best girl of mine; we grew apart. Our circumstances changed. But when we do speak again time doesn't mean a thing. 

For me I haven't met a friend who is the whole package. I have friends/acquaintances. People I could tell my problems to, People I can see for different things. But not a best friend. I am not settling for a half ass friend. I want a friend that is the whole package. We click. Naturally. 

I think there is so much pressure to fit in, that we soon lose touch of things that make us happy. We need to stop thinking that just because we aren't in a friendship group, we are weird. We are not, just picky. Real to a certain degree; we don't need numbers to have a good night out. But friends we can let ourselves go with. 

I don't fit into a crowed and I need to accept that. I need to stop doubting myself, because it is ok. I do things on my own; I go for walks, I go to the gym, I go for a coffee on my own. I don't need company to be happy to do things with. I used to never be seen out on my own when I was younger. This I think was the weird mentality. Clearly I was unhappy, because I was seeking validation from others that what I was doing was fine. 

For us women, when we get a boyfriend they become our best friend. Of course you shouldn't drop your friends, because you have found a man. But we see our boyfriend more, we have a different mentality to men so to men that think its weird your the strange one. Every time I get into a relationship, my partner becomes my best-friend. But it is still important to have friends, because otherwise your relationship becomes unhealthy. You need your own time and space.

You need to do things that make you happy, fuck what others think. I've tried to stop guessing myself for many years. Popularity is meaningless. You have to love yourself and do your own thing. If your tired of your group. Get out! Go join a club, change your circle because otherwise it will beat you down and you will be unhappy.  

Stop guessing why you aren't in a friendship group because having a group of friends doesn't define who you are. Only you can define who you are and ONLY YOU is important.


Erin x 




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