''My Type on Paper''

                                                                   Types & Qualities 

What is a type? How do you define someone is your type? 

The million dollar question - the deal breaker on a date. 

I find this question difficult to answer because I suppose I really do not have one - I have dated many different ethnicities - White, Black, Filipino, Dutch, Spanish, Russian you name it.. 

I have always said that on my deathbed I want to tell my grandchildren, ''I have tried out both the continental menu and English menu on offer. I think as time goes on and you get older you change both physically and mentally. Say looking back on me at 16 compared to me now at 21 I have changed as a person in so many ways. 

1) Physically of course I have changed & 2) My personality has changed also, I went from being the social butterfly never really fitting into one social group to knowing what I DO like, knowing Who I like and knowing WHAT I want. 

Influences around you can make you change. People around you can make you change. Environments can make you change. Therefore I think types and qualities you look for in people change which have been heavily influenced from life experiences. 

For example; 

When I was young (I got my period early and began to have sexual feelings) I loved the white guy, with the perfect blonde hair and blue eyes. My first serious boyfriend at 16 matched this description adding that he had a very defined body; without tattoos and facial hair - attributes that now at 21 I find attractive.

Around 17 - I began to find Mediterranean men attractive (Spanish, Portuguese,Greek etc) attractive - the (sometimes tall), dark and handsome type became my preference. This again reflected in my choices dating people with these ethnicities. 

18- When I started going clubbing; I realised Black men found me attractive. (Sorry if it is offensive) but I used to have the stereotype that they only preferred bigger women) though this quickly I realised was far from the truth. I found them to be the most confident, plus the best dressers and dancers which therefore reflected on my choices. 

Around 19- I mainly focused on people being ''British'' I had no care about the fact that they had different ethnicities but it was the culture and the personality that I felt only felt natural. I think moving to a new culture with different mindsets and personalities contributed to me valuing my own more. Again my preferences reflected on my choices - I dated all sorts as long as they were British. 

Now- I have come to realise, I do not care if someone is not from my culture as long as 1) we can understand each other and 2) they have qualities I find both physically and mentally attractive. Since opening my mindset I have learnt lots from other people and this again reflects on my choices - I have now dated Asians, Americans, Dutch, Germans etc.. 

But...

I think we always go back to a preference even though you can find all different types of people attractive or sexy. For me sex appeal is more important than looks; it always has. You don't have to be the prettiest flower in the garden, you can blossom and become more attractive the more you look at it. 

For me, there will always be that one person that though you are totally over them; you will always compare others to the way they look or you choose people who share similar physical qualities to them. For me sexual attraction is one of the hardest things to find and to combine that with love is a lethal combination; which is retrospect can make you confuse LOVE & LUST.

This guy in particular who was mentioned in my blog ''Tinder boy stole my heart'' is the first person I can honestly say I had sexual attraction towards. Though this particular person hasn't got the qualities as a person that I look for in a man he was very appealing to me sexually and physically. Which even too this day shares lots of similar attributes to some of my exes. 

This 1st type I have follows this description - TALL (I do like tall men) he was 6ft2 (190cm+), blondish/brown hair, good sense of style with lots of bold colours, tanned skin, beard, no tattoos, strong jawline, athletic build - all of them tends to be boxers or into them kind of sports. 

2nd type - Dark. Facial hair, dark coloured hair, tattoos, sometimes tall sometimes smaller and has a dad bod or more of a muscular/ defined body. 

As shallow as this may seem - wait.

I find the physical characteristic to be surface deep only. You can look at someone and think ''mmm your abit of me but the second they open their mouth, your like hmm maybe not''. It is animal instincts to mate or want to mate. I think we tend to forget that we are also animals too therefore after the animal instincts die down, you can be left with a massive empty gap. Qualities (personalities) is where our animal instincts then want us to mate for life. I am not saying these two descriptions are the only type of looking people I go for. But depending on the environment your in, can depend on how you will connect with the person. I have dated people far from this description, but I am sorry anyone that says they don't have a type is a liar. As animals we always have a preference - but sometimes we can change our minds or situations force us to change our minds. 

Personalities - are where the heart lays. What is the point of looking at a pretty face, but having nothing to show for it? For me I hate shallow people; don't get me wrong confidence is great, I have a fair bit of it myself. I know I am not the ugliest flower but at the end of the day looks do fade, it is the heart which stays. I have never looked at myself and thought wow look how amazing I am? I see myself as an individual, who wants to contribute to this world (as we are basically just little ants) and to actually come out of it and say I've helped others. 

As a women, of course it is lovely being told how beautiful you are; I have been there many times, but for me there is no greater compliment than a person telling me something that I have done which is meaningful - For example my intelligence. I am really just a little geek - though I don't hide this fact as I LOVE game of thrones and Id rather watch YouTube rather than TV doesn't mean I also enjoy the simpler things. My opinion the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach but through his brain. I WA NT TO PICK IT. I want to know your deepest fears, your deepest insecurities, your beliefs, your mindset. I want to know everything; I am a very curious person. 

For me there is qualities that I want in somebody. I know we aren't perfect Jesus neither am I. I can be stubborn, I can be picky, I can be unsociable, I can be clumsy etc.. but I know my worth and I know id make one good wife (minus my cooking) so I aint settling for anything below my standards in my future husband. 

Some of the qualities that really helps me to be attracted to someone; 

Family orientated- Yes I know its a basic but it isn't - I come from an Indian house-hold us Asians take family very serious. My parents I'm sorry will always come first - I listen to their advice and opinions and if you don't make the cut them I'm afraid it just wont work. I want someone to understand my closeness - to embrace it and to join in! Anglo Indian families actually love their in laws more so I want that shared Christmas with everyone's family. 

Loyalty & Respect - I am pretty open. We all innocently flirt as I say ''You can look at the menu but not order from it'' but don't take the piss - I'm small so don't think I wont throw my heel at the girl your staring at, don't take the piss because I am stubborn and petty so I'll do it back. When I am with someone I am totally committed to the point where I am too loyal so I expect it back. 

Open minded- I have crazy beliefs - I believe in everything and anything. I'm also pretty open about sexuality and mindsets so I would need someone that can embrace it with me. Nothing worse than a close minded person who has a fixed set of beliefs.

Personality - I love stupid humour and sarcasm - I look for qualities similar where we can sit there and laugh together openly.

Kindness - To be generally kind is an amazing quality - to do things from the heart is important. It doesn't mean you have to do kind acts everyday, it doesn't even need to be physical but emotional. I don't always do really kind acts but I would sit here for hours to talk to someone about their problems and to listen.

Ambition - I can't deal with people with no ambition. I think there's always opportunities to improve your well-being. I need a person who I can look up to and motivate me to become a better person and vice versa. Its always about bouncing off each others energies.

Not a party animal - Don't get me wrong I love a good blow out once or twice per month. But I couldn't have that energy every weekend plus it gets boring - I want to go to educational places and travel also so I need a guy who can be extra-introverted too. 

Thereby I believe that we all have our preferences and ''types''. I think physical and emotional attributes contribute to choices you make. There are some really good catfishes both emotionally and physically its all about spotting them out of a crowd. 

Erin