Gym Guy Was my Rebound.

 Hey everyone! Welcome back to my blog. Today I am going to tell you the story about my ex-boyfriend who started off as my rebound.

*Disclaimer* All people included in my stories names will be changed due to respecting their privacy. My intentions are purely to share advice and to be used as support for people who may not have good networks around them, not to bad mouth, and be nasty about people who once were involved in my life.

A couple of months after my first serious relationship it really hit home. I had just spent a year of my life building a routine with somebody who throughout everything we went through I still missed. I missed the routine of being in a relationship, that special someone you can tell about how crap your day was. That person you knew did not judge you, that person that loved you no matter how bad you fucked up. To put it simply I was lonely.

When you get out of relationships you have two choices; 1) Swallow in self-pity and become demotivated or 2) You get your arse up and achieve. When I get out of relationships I choose choice number 2. So when I got out of that relationship I decided to dedicate myself to fitness. I was eating really healthy, my body was looking good and I even changed my hair color to mark a new change in my life. But at the time loneliness would always seep through the cracks when you least expected it. Though you emotionally get over that person you were with it takes time to get over the breakup and I missed being with somebody special.

I remember my first meeting with a rebound guy; we will call him Max. I remember being on the cross-trainer in the little gym up my road. I lived in an area where there was not much going on apart from there being a gym and a school next to it. Max was friends with some cute guys I regularly batted my eyelids too in the gym and I remember the first time him coming in with his Costa Coffee and his colorful tattoos. As I was training, I could feel eyes in the back of my head and I knew he was staring at me but I pretended to ignore him through embarrassment. A day later I was waiting to get my card approved to go into the gym and I was getting annoyed having to wait as long as I did. I remember him laughing but I was being moody and completely ignored him and stormed off into the gym. Again I felt him staring my way but I ignored him and focused on my workout. When I got home I had a message from him on Facebook though it took me a couple of minutes to figure out he was gym guy.

We started talking. I can't remember for how long but he decided to come to my house as he only lived 10 minutes away by car. The first proper meeting we were just chilling in my bedroom. I was missing the physical intimacy with somebody so one thing led to another and I did not think he would ever mean more to me than just a little bit of fun. Surprisingly as I really thought he would not be interested he carried on messaging me and we just fell into a relationship.

Our relationship was good. It was relaxing and nice to have somebody in my life again; though I knew my feelings did not run very deep I liked his company and he was a good influence to be around. We were like a married old couple; we would watch episode after episode of Ghost Adventures, eat loads of pizza and fall asleep at 8 pm. We had some good times together and we made each other laugh a lot.

After a while, our relationship started to deepen and I liked him much more than I did when he was just a replacement. But our relationship got boring. We fell into the same pattern and I felt he was just giving up on trying to make an effort anymore. One day he went to the pub down the road from where we lived with his friends. (I have no problem with partners enjoying company with their friends) but I know when he has a couple to drink he starts to have an attitude. Therefore, I was apprehensive. I remember receiving a phone call from him and I was on loudspeaker. I can not remember what our conversation was, but I remember him trying to talk to me like I was a piece of dirt underneath his shoe. We ended up in a huge argument and I decided to break up with him because I was not willing to be disrespected like that. We broke up for a little while, but we rekindled our relationship after we had an honest conversation.

Things between us were back to normal for a while. I knew he always had problems expressing his emotions because he got his heart broken in school so when he told me he had fallen in love with me I knew he had meant it and I cared for him deeply. Max also had a lot of self-esteem issues so his way of coping with the world is to self destruct and push those he loved away. He had a love/hate relationship with his Dad and felt he was always labeled ''The Black Sheep'' with his family. Max suffered from bad bouts of depression; I never knew this piece of information until later on.

Max had a best friend also called Max who he wanted me to meet. I think Max (my max) deep down wished he was his friend; as other Max was ''known'' to be the more popular one, the better looking one, The one that ''got all the girls'' etc.. this was clearly his low self-esteem thinking because (my Max) was well-liked, funny and handsome. We went on a double date with Max and his girlfriend Laura and was having a good time. We were all eating and joking when in conversation and banter I made a funny remark about the size of my ex's penis everyone found this funny as it was purely a joke but Max did not seem to think so. I could feel the atmosphere had changed and so had the other couple. Me and Laura went to the toilet for girl talk because it was clearly getting awkward while Max stormed off outside. I was left with his friends for the rest of the time and I had to make the best out of the situation. Everyone felt he made a bigger deal out of that situation and he made everyone feel uncomfortable. I went to speak to him outside but he had booked a taxi already and left. I was so angry inside but I tried to hide it because we were with guests and it was not their fault. I ended up having a good time and they dropped me home.

I decided not to speak to him because I was fuming he left me alone and put me into a situation where I did not know these people; they could have been murderers for all I knew and he knew they were the only way to get home because they drove us there in the first place. We had a massive argument; I was ready to break things off with him until he turned up at my house and begged for forgiveness. After a long chat we made up and things were good.

About a month later. We had a little argument over something stupid and I was in college doing some important coursework for my A levels when I received a text in the morning; telling me he was depressed and was going to end his life and that it was all my fault. He was on beachy head at the cliff ready to jump. I had never felt so scared in my life. I was ringing/texting him trying to get him to respond but I received no answer. I was crying my eyes out because I felt so guilty; if he ended it would it have been my fault? I could not think straight and had to tell the situation to my teacher as I needed to be excused from class. I was panicking so much and ran down to student services to report this to them. Though he was not a student at my college I had a 23year-old man telling me he was ending his life. What would his family feel? The college called the police and I was being interviewed by them all morning when I remembered I had his Mums phone number. I knew I needed to tell her because at the end of the day she is his Mum. We spoke on the phone for about 2 hours and she had told me he had done this to her so many times and that he was just crying out for attention and I needed to just ignore him because he was being selfish. Though I was still panicking inside, I went home and waited to see. He then text me saying he had just got home and what was all that fuss I had made because the police had just been to his door.

I was so angry. He was being so selfish; A whole day had been wasted on worrying about his safety and all he could say to me was why I was making such a big deal out of it? I felt emotionally and physically drained. I had my parents supporting me and I knew I did the right thing because if that had been the case and I knew he was committing suicide I could have got into trouble. I decided to end things once and for all with him because I knew he was getting toxic for me and he needed to deal with what was going with him.

He wanted to meet me and out of respect, I did. We went on a massive walk through the south downs and spoke about everything that had happened. He opened up and told me he has suffered from depression for a long time and people he loves he pushes away because he does not feel worthy. We had two different ideologies - If you got the person you wanted and you knew they were only interested in you would you not do everything in your power to keep that person? I had a good little cry as things got very emotional and I felt this talk was closure. He knew he needed to work on himself and this relationship was a massive learning curve in his life. We parted on really good terms and we are still friends to this day.

I ended up moving to Spain about two years after our breakup and we have seen each other since and sometimes go for coffee when I go back to England and talk regularly. Max will always hold a special place in my heart because I know deep down he is a good guy. Max is now happily engaged with what seems a really nice girl and I hope he took my advice when we broke up. I wish him nothing but success, happiness, and love.

The moral of the story- Do not use somebody as a scapegoat. Do not selfishly get into new relationships if your heart has not healed from the previous one. Every person is different with their breakup process but if you feel you can not emotionally give somebody what they want then there is no point trying it will only hurt them. You are only running away from the problems because you do not want to process the emotions you feel after ending with somebody. We all miss routines as it is human nature and loneliness is a funny thing. Rebounds only lead to double whammy because when they naturally do not work out; you are left with two broken hearts and your breakup process will take longer to heal. Also open communication is very important in a relationship. If you and the person you are with cannot be open with your feelings then a relationships fundamental values can not be built. Communication leads to trust and trust leads to a happy and healthy relationship. So be vulnerable and be willing to open up to people because talking about problems you have will not only help your self-esteem but help you build loving relationships.

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