Catfished By The Russian

 Hello Again! 

If you read my previous blog ''Once upon a time I dated my colleague'' I mentioned in-between our relationship, I dated a few people. Well this post is about one of them!  

*Disclaimer - These posts are not to diss the people I was involved with - This post however begs to differ however I will be mentioning religion and some offensive comments that were made. I do respect all religions and opinions people have, if you find my comments offensive then I do apologise that is not my intention*

''Catfish'' - A person who does not portray what they look like off-line. 

Have you ever been cat fished- regardless if the person looked slightly different or completely different to their pictures? This situation happened to me during the lockdown last year.

While I moved on from ''American'' I had another person messaging me a lot - anybody that tries to get to know me, knows that I can be a hard nut to crack. I hate getting to know people through technology, I much prefer the conventional way to meet someone. 

This guy ''Michael'' had been messaging me for awhile, recieving little response until one day he told me, he was going to stop. This had sparked my interest and once I looked at his profile. He definetly was my type to look at. 

I really dig a guy with dark hair, dark skin and light coloured eyes. I find this look to be really attractive and he fit into that description. He was originally Ukraine who lived in Germany, but moved to Spain in the past year. 

Not only was I cat-fished physically but emotionally too. We spoke to each other on the phone every day - All day / night. Once we spoke all night on the phone until 7 in the morning. 

I think due to lock-down everyone in world had to learn to meet people through the internet. I felt we developed a good emotional connection. Where yes looks was important but it was the heart and intellect that stayed. 

We spoke about so many in-depth conversations - Religion / Life after death / Where we come from etc!! and we shared many similar beliefs and I learnt a lot from him due to him believing in Islam. I found it to be interesting. 

I was kinda being selfish and at the time I didn't really believe in Covid and how the world went crazy overnight but I knew he was going crazy at home alone and invited him to stay with me (I was living with my parents at the time) 

My Mum picked him up, but when I saw his face he did not look like the person I had been chatting too. 1) He was tiny - even his body (Im not one to be into looks, but his pictures made him look totally different and 2) his personality didn't match the image I had. 

The problem was that Spain was super strict and it was a massive risk we took for him to get to me. So I was stuck with him for at least a few days. 

I tried to make the best out of the situation and after awhile, I look back now and I definitely tried to pretend I was attracted to him. 

But it wasn't even the looks - it was the personality that didn't add up. 

To start with he was very homophobic (something being brought up in Brighton I accept), he then disrespected my dad from being in the free masons as referring them as a ''cult'' 2 days after meeting my dad. 

He was lazy; never washed up, hardly communicated with my family and always being in a bad mood. He didn't even offer to buy any food which even though you don't expect guests too, but it is manners to offer. Even when we had conversations like we did on the phone, he was very fixed and set in his ways. 

I knew my parents disliked him but I was stuck between them all as he was my guest and we were stuck with him.  My attraction soon afterwards was getting lower and I hated being around him. I felt super stressed and my energy being snapped away. 

2 weeks in (I was telling him the next day he has over-stayed his welcome) we were all watching a film where my mum referred to the area in the film as ''being a shithole'' - it was obviously he didn't want to watch the film and was agitated throughout - when it finished he had barely said good night and ignored me. 

My mum took me outside and told me her exact feelings and at this point he had pushed it too far. We had already had a big argument two days before where I told him to get out, it was my mum that calmed it down and he said sorry and said he would change. But two days later (film night) had gone back to the way he was. 

By the point of going upstairs, I totally ignored him.

When I woke up, I was down with my parents when he had woken up - having had a bad attitude ignoring me and barley saying good morning to my mum. He got a bottle of whiskey and walked over to our outside bar (10am) - I went to speak to him but he totally ignored me. I just wanted him out of my house. 

My mum said she would go speak to him and before I knew it, they were screaming at each other. He tried coming up to my room which made my mum angry with the way he spoke to me. He threatened to smash up our whole house. My dad was waiting outside with a hammer as Michael was going crazy.

My mum came inside and locked the room I was in. By all accounts my Mum chased him all the way down to our gate as he refused to leave my house. He then went on to try spit in her face but missed by seconds calling her ''Indian, Catholic- your nothing but shit under my shoe''.

By the time she came up and unlocked the door he had gone. I just felt so much shame at what he had done and how he treated my family. All we tried to be were good hosts to somebody who we thought would appreciate our kindness. 

I felt really let down- I put trust (too much) in somebody who had proven to be so opposite to what he said he was. 

I felt ashamed at my choice (trailer trash) and had a lot of self- learning to do. Although it wasn't a great experience it had helped me grow up a lot. I had realised that I had been selfish only caring about my own feelings, however I was grateful that my parents were there to witness what could have been ages for me to have seen his true self.

The experience had definitely taught me how to spot a controlling person and too put your self worth first. This scumbag would treat every women the same as he did me, but a God was on myside to show me what he was like very quickly than what most would. 

Maybe he has short man syndrome or he's just evil, but I honestly wouldn't wish anybody to be with a monster like him. He was controlling, moody and angry with the world and brought a lot of negativity. 

I will still always feel guilty about being with him and my parents witnessing his disrespect. But I swore since that day, I would never let another man disrespect the two people I love most in the world and for myself also. 

If a person cares or loves you, they would do anything to show you their love and I will not settle for anything less. Don't get me wrong I have already made some mistakes since this situation but I am learning and progressing. I think I forget at times that I am still only 21 and I have loads more of things to experience. But its good to know where you also went wrong and to try learn from those mistakes because otherwise its just a waste of time - adversity defiantly makes you stronger!

Erin x